It still seems hard to believe that I'm home and able to get around my apartment and do many of the things it takes to actually live a life. It's not just me either, friends who've visited are impressed, and greatly relieved, at the steady improvements I've shown over the past week and even my medical oncologist seemed a little astonished with my recovery, occasionally using such words as "fantastic!" and the like. I know I said it last time but, phew! what a couple of weeks!

I have progressively felt better each day since the last blog entry. I'm as skinny as a rake, but actually feel like I have more strength - with the presence of some food in my stomach and blood in my veins. While probably not actually as strong, I think feel better than I have since I was admitted to VGH back on December 3, that's now three months! I was able to go on a small outing in with some friends driving me around today - it felt so fabulous to be out in the real world beyond the hospital walls. And even from my apartment, the beauty of the sunsets yesterday and the day before was enough to bring tears to my eyes - maybe its another drug side-effect!

I have remained on the Nosinan (Methotrimeprazine Maleate 5mg.) the anti-nausea drug that I was given after much trial and failure during my stay in hospital. Thankfully I've been able to drop almost all the other drugs I was taking. One that really seemed to help was a bone marrow production "booster" to help me produce my own blood cells. I had a couple of transfusions while I was inside and, while I had my recurring fevers, just seemed to eat them up. I was really lucky to avoid getting an intravenous anti-fungal drug that was next in line for my treatment schedule (it has a hospital nickname with "horrible" at the end and a stack of unpleasant side-effects). Interestingly, I think my avoidance of it was largely the result of friends advocating against it and it ended up with a deal between the doctor and I. If I didn't get another fever by such a time, he would cancel it. Nothing like a strong incentive. It could have set me back days, or more, by compounding the side-effects. Anyway, it worked, that was the end of the fevers! There never was a real diagnosis, other than the cancer, but I do have some conditions that I'll write more about once I get my head around them.

The other drug in my life is of course Sunitinib. I'm now being given a half of the regular dose which makes it 25 mg./day taken in the morning. This is another third less than I was taking last time. I'm now on day four (of 28) and believe I'm just beginning to feel the side effects in my mouth. Last time the inside of my mouth became a wreck with me having to use lidocaine (?) dabs and mouthwash to be able to put food inside. This time I hope to avoid the sores by developing a way to hydrate the inside of my mouth without having to move my jaws or tongue which is when, in retrospect, I think I caused the damage. Hydrate first then move - we'll see if it works. I've also got some special instructions on research to tackle my facial bloom (and I'm not referring to my temporary beard!) if and when that happens again. Fortunately, I also know it responds to topical hydro cortisone so will use that if it becomes a problem.

While I'm feeling good I'm trying to get all the supports and conveniences that I might need in place so I'm as prepared as I can be for whatever's next. I'm seeing a palliative nurse again tomorrow for a (re)assessment and will be monitoring many of my vital signs and blood to be reported to my medical oncologist on a weekly + basis. A huge thanks to everyone who supported and offered support during the past while - please believe me that it has made a huge difference. I'm feeling optimistic and as ready as I'll ever be to handle the, hopefully now minimal, side effects of the sunitinib. Here goes!

(my couch is much more comfortable.. and is my home)